Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
