i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
