i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
