Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
