you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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