ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
