ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
