I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
