nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
