when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
