This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
