he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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