A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
