So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
