And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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