He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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