the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
farters have to be the big spoon...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
