There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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