Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
