and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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