As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
