I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
