You can't motorboat a personality
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
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