I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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