So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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