I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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