Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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