There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
