shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
