piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
