Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
