I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
