what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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