I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
