I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
