do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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