just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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