I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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