So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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