Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
