I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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