And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
