Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
