one might say we're banned from that church
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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