Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
