And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
