Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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