Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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