So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
this just has baby written all over it
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
