you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
