A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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