My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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