the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
