I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
