btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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