Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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